The American Word :: Advice A La Mode: Facebook faux pas, standing her up

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Advice A La Mode: Facebook faux pas, standing her up


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Advice A La Mode” is a weekly advice column written by Rachael Somerville. To provide complete anonymity to those who submit questions, we created the contact form (which you can fill out below) so you may ask questions without disclosing personal details. You may select a traditional “Problem Summarized in Name” format, tell her you would like to go by “First Name from Place” or she will come up with a name for you. The more information you give her, the better she can address your problem.

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Father’s Facebook faux pas

Her new man-friend’s dad Facebook friend requested her… How to proceed?

“Dear Rachael,

I’ve been hanging out with this guy, let’s call him Rick, for a few weeks. So far we are just friends, but leaning towards becoming more. I have never met his family and yet his father recently requested me as a friend on Facebook. I feel strange accepting his request because Rick and I aren’t really a couple. I also feel as if Rick or his father will be upset if I don’t add him.

Should I add him? Why does he want to be my friend anyway, I feel like he just wants to creep on my profile.

-Father’s Facebook Faux Pas”

F.F.F.P.,

Congratulations on your new maybe-relationship! Don’t accept this Facebook request; it’s unlikely Rick will be upset. You guys aren’t official and your relationship doesn’t need the added pressure of his dad looking through your pictures, statuses and personal information. Many of my friends don’t even have their own parents as Facebook friends.

Bring this up to Rick as a funny story that will probably have him facepalming in embarrassment. Try not to lead with “wow, your dad is creepy.” If he doesn’t see the humor tell him you don’t accept friend requests from people you haven’t met.

Before you write his dad off as weird, I should mention that my mom has made the mistake of friend requesting everyone who showed up in her “People You May Know” section because she thought they were friending her. Oh, parents.

Regardless, I would take the whole situation as a compliment. I bet Rick has been talking his dad’s ear off about you and his father simply wants to know more about you!

I stood her up… by mistake

“Where’s the Undo Button?” forgot about his date and wants to make it up to her.

“Dear Rachael,

Bridging the gap between male and female communication over love is always difficult. To get any honest advice, each participant needs to trust the other one which only comes with years of friendship.

Transitioning into the relationship stage is always difficult. Even something so simple as a cancellation of plans can turn into an intimidating text. “Just let me know if you don’t want to hang out with me again, I’d rather just know what’s up.” I will admit that I was in the wrong. I effectively stood her up. But that doesn’t mean I’m not interested. On the contrary I want nothing more but to reverse time and take back my mistake. Alas such is not possible.

My question to you, Rachael, is how do I amend this now complicated situation? Honesty seems to be the best course of action, but what exactly do I say to redeem myself? I simply “just forgot”? “I’ve had a lot on my mind”? It seems I’m in quite the pickle. Would just like to hear your opinion on this matter. Thanks!

-Where’s the Undo Button?”

W.T.U.B.,

I’m going to assume that this was a first date you missed. She’s understandably hurt but her text suggests she’s also a little unsure of herself—she’s jumping to the conclusion that you don’t like her.

How to proceed depends on your style and how you feel about this girl. I think this situation provides you an opportunity to show her that she is important to you. Trust your judgment, but I think this may be an opportunity for you to surprise her with something nice; that could mean showing up at her dorm and taking her to dinner and/or a movie.

I think flowers are probably too much right now because you’re in the first stage of your relationship, but that’s your call. If you know what she likes, get her something small whether you make her a CD or buy her favorite chocolate bar. Making it up to her shows you care and think she’s special—something she’s obviously struggling with right now.

Before you do that, however, say sorry and explain why you forget the date. Because you feel bad and won’t forget again, prove it was a one-time thing and explain it was just your preoccupation and foolishness (a little self-deprecation can help smooth things over). Say you’d like to make it up to her then make it a really good date.

Right now you have to show her why she’d want to date you, because you’ve already got one strike against you.

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