Advice A La Mode: Flirty roommates, Facebook friends
Rachael Somerville | 9/26/13 10:03pm
“Advice A La Mode” is a weekly advice column written by Rachael Somerville. To provide complete anonymity to those who submit questions, we created the contact form (which you can fill out below) so you may ask questions without disclosing personal details. You may select a traditional “Problem Summarized in Name” format, tell her you would like to go by “First Name from Place” or she will come up with a name for you. The more information you give her, the better she can address your problem.
There is this guy I have been crushing on for a really long time and we have become really good friends. My roommate knows how much I like him, but every time I am with him and she is there, she throws herself all over him. She knows that I get jealous and angry when she does that, yet she continues.
I was wondering what I should do now. I don’t want to ruin my friendship with my roommate but she has a track record of throwing herself on the guys I like, even guys I have hooked up with in the past. Am I overreacting and seeing something that isn’t actually happening out of jealousy?
The person who has the problem is your roommate. To summarize your submission: “Whenever I like a guy, this girl throws herself at him, expressly against my wishes—how can I avoid ruining the friendship?” She has already ruined the friendship, I.R. It would be one thing if this was a guy you both liked, but you’ve made it clear that this is a chronic issue.
The simplest way to avoid the problem is by not hanging out with your roommate and your crush at the same time. If I’m correct in thinking you’ve already confronted her about her behavior and she’s chosen to ignore your feelings, it’s time to have one more talk with her.
Tell her how you feel and say something like, “I still value our friendship, but I feel like you’re undermining my chances with ‘Boy.’” Tell her that you want to keep your relationship with her separate from your love life. It’s time to set the boundaries that are going to make you happy because right now she has control over your life.
When you have to be around both of them, keep your cool; don’t let her see that you’re bothered by her behavior. But bear in mind that this girl is repeatedly acting selfish, by hitting on your crush, rather than supporting your feelings. Think about that when it comes time to decide who to live with next year.
A side note: You may be able to tell how your crush feels about you based on how he responds to your roommate’s flirty behavior. Hopefully there’s a way to turn her inappropriate actions into a silver lining.
Remember, you have to set boundaries with your roommate or she will take advantage of you. Keep that strong attitude and things will work out in your favor.
Classes have been going on for a few weeks now already but I have still been meeting some new kids in my class. Some of them seem pretty cool and I wouldn’t mind getting to know them more.
My question, though, is when is it acceptable to friend request someone on facebook? I don’t want to come off as a creep or over eager, but they genuinely seem like cool people.
-Just Trying to be Friendly”
If you know someone’s name, it’s appropriate to friend request them on Facebook; worst case scenario, they don’t accept. Friendships on Facebook are very casual and not representative of any real-life bond, unfortunately.
In order to get to know someone better, you should try to connect with them face-to-face in class or send them a Facebook message once you’re friends. The fact that you have class together makes you a perfect candidate for a Facebook friend since you can use it to talk about projects, tests or to continue an in-person conversation.
Good luck making new friends—both on and offline.
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